Success! I did not poison myself, nor did I get sick from Day Two. Okay, that’s some low bar setting, I know. But with a challenge starting out so horribly, it kind of forces the bar to be low. Today I’m having burgers with mushrooms. Just your typical, everyday kind of burger, but I’m adding mushrooms to the toppings line-up.
Actually, I got a little help today and my dining companion cooked the mushrooms for me and topped up my burger with them. So take a look at this picture and tell me if you think that is a lot of mushrooms.
For me, that is a lot of mushrooms. As soon as I saw that pile of fungus on my burger I had an instant drop-to-zero appetite and a wave of foreboding crashed all around me while I struggled to breathe. They look so gross. All rubbery and brownish and odd-shaped and slimy. I’m going to be putting that glistening fungi in my mouth. I’m going to chew it. I’m going to have to chew it for a long time because there are so many and they’re so grotesquely chewy and then I’m… I’m going to have to swallow it into my stomach. And they’re disgusting and gross, and terrible and… and… oh god my stomach is seizing up. I think I’m going to…
I shut up my inner dialogue by placing the top half of my burger over the mushrooms. I can still see them hanging off the sides there are so many, but I give my head a little shake and start to focus.
Every journey starts with a single chew…
So I slowly pressed my teeth together and took a bite-sized chunk of the burger. Chew once. Chew twice. Chew thrice. Four. Five. Six. God, this is painfully slow. (My dining companion is a quarter way through their burger)
At last, the first bite goes down. You know what? That wasn’t so bad. I can do this.
I take another bite. Same process. Then another. And another. Holy crap! I am doing this!
Now, some mushrooms have fallen out of the burger and onto my plate. I’m halfway through the burger. I resolutely think to myself leave no mushroom behind and scoop them up and stuff them back into the burger. This proves to be my undoing. A mere bite or two later, I hit the jackpot of mushrooms and it’s not what I would call a great winning. I’m on mushroom overload. There’s too many in my mouth. They’re rubbery and everywhere. I can’t escape. I pull out the heavy artillery for the battle and manage to chew and swallow them all down, but I’m done.
The other half of my burger sits on the plate, untouched. My appetite unmercifully vanquished, I can’t even finish the fries that played sidekick. It’s over. I try waiting to see if I can recover, but I just can’t bare another mushroom. Not today.
Today’s Fungus Feast:
Burgers with Mushrooms – white mushrooms, buns, avocado, red onion, veggie burgers, chipotle, garlic, cheddar, chips (yeah, potato chips. Just try it – you’ll understand.)